


The Resurrection

by Araine



Category: Animorphs - Katherine A. Applegate
Genre: F/M, Fix-It, Gen, Post-War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-09-19
Updated: 2016-05-06
Packaged: 2017-11-14 15:00:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/516608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Araine/pseuds/Araine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something very strange is happening to Rachel. She's hearing voices in her head and talking to hawks and all is not as it seems.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Rachel

My name is Rachel. I’m sixteen years old and I live in California.

I’m just a typical teenage girl. A little stereotypical, actually. I’m blonde and pretty and I like to shop at the mall. Of course, that’s not all I like. I do gymnastics, and I watch TV, and I like kicking butt at video games. All totally normal.

I was at gymnastics practice with Melissa, waiting for her mom to come pick us up and drive us home, when all of the weirdness started.

“You could really go to nationals, Rachel,” Melissa said. “I mean it. You’d do awesome!”

“Yeah, I don’t know,” I said. “I’m getting a little too tall. I missed the bars last week.”

It was true. I was good at gymnastics, but when you’re lanky, it’s a lot more difficult to do some of the tight gymnastics maneuvers. Melissa was lucky: she had stayed short through most of puberty. I had to grow into a giraffe.

My height not only meant that I was handicapped during gymnastics. There were a lot of social problems that came with being tall. I’d had a boyfriend, but other than him, nothing else had come along.

“Who cares if you’re tall?” Melissa said. She continued talking, but suddenly I couldn’t hear it. Her voice was drowned out by a shout.

{PRINCE JAKE!}

I suddenly reeled. My ears were ringing. It felt like I was in a huge concert stadium, but instead of a thousand voices it was just one.

“Whoah,” I said. “Did you hear that?”

“Hear what?” Melissa asked.

“That voice,” I said. “It was yelling. It said Prince Jake.”

Melissa raised one eyebrow. “Jake, like your cousin Jake?” she asked. She was looking at me like I was crazy. “I didn’t know he was a prince.”

I laughed, nervously. I did have a cousin named Jake – but as far as I knew, he wasn’t a prince of any sort. “You’re right,” I said. “That was a little crazy. Forget about it.”

“A little?” Melissa exclaimed. She crossed her arms and raised the second eyebrow. “Rachel, hearing voices? That’s beyond crazy. That’s full-out loopy territory.”

I shrugged, trying to be nonchalant. I wasn’t full-out loopy – or at least I didn’t think that I was –but I certainly didn’t want Melissa to think that I was. “I probably just misheard somebody,” I said. I brushed my hair over my ear with exaggerated casualness.

Melissa looked like she wanted to continue, but at that moment the car’s horn honked. I looked up to see Melissa’s mom in her blue Volvo. We both stood up at the same time and got in the car – me in the back, Melissa in the front.

“How was practice, girls?” Melissa’s mom asked us.

“Fine,” Melissa said. “It was great. We did floor exercises for ages, though.”

“I know you like bars better,” Melissa’s mom said. “But Coach Branson says floor exercises are important.”

“I know,” Melissa said.

“Your dad’s going to be home late tonight,” Melissa’s mom said. “He’s in a meeting…”

I zoned out. Melissa’s dad was the vice-principal of my middle school, from which I had graduated last year. It was still a little strange to reconcile the two images: Melissa’s dad who had picked us up from gymnastics practice when I was little and Mr Chapman the Vice Principal who had once given me a long talk because I’d punched a girl who was spreading rumors about Cassie.

Not that I don’t think Cassie can take care of herself, but she’s a pacifist, and Teri Higgins had been begging for a punch in the nose all week.

Cassie is my best friend, even though we’re not the type of girls you think would be best friends. Cassie wouldn’t know fashion if it smacked her in the nose. She usually wears t-shirts and high-water overalls, and if she’s been in the barn, they’re usually covered in animal droppings.

I was staring out the window – sort of thinking about that weird voice that I had heard, and sort of thinking about the detention I had gotten from Principal Chapman – when a flash of blue caught my eye, in the distance. I closed my eyes, rubbed them, and looked again.

I had been correct the first time. What looked like a blue deer-centaur was running parallel to Melissa’s mom’s car.

“What is that?” I asked, pointing out the window.

Melissa and her mom stopped their conversation to look at where I was pointing. For a moment there was silence in the car.

“Rachel,” Melissa said eventually. “That’s an Andalite.”

I stared at the blue deer-centaur creature, suddenly remembering the creature—they were grazers who ate through their hooves, that must be why he (or she, I supposed, though he looked male from a distance) was running in the field. “Oh, right,” I said. “An Andalite.”

“Are you sure you’re feeling okay, Rachel?” Melissa asked. “First that voice, and then you forget Andalites—“

“No,” I said. “I’m fine. Don’t worry. I just… didn’t see it clearly.”

“Maybe you need to get some sleep,” Melissa said. I barely heard her. I stared out the window of the car until the Andalite had disappeared.

When I got home, I told my mom to wake me before dinner, and went upstairs to take a nap. Melissa was probably right – I did just need some extra sleep. It was just pressure from school. Government was really kicking my butt. That was all.

I dreamed that I was in a video game. I was floating through an airless, lightless void and I had six things that I had to keep from getting damaged. This meant a lot of calculation, a lot of scurrying about, and avoiding a lot of slow-moving missiles that could damage me.

It was very important that I keep doing this, no matter what. Even when I was awake, it was somehow imperative that I not stop. I had just dodged a large missile when my mom shook me awake.

“Rachel,” she said. “Rachel. Time for dinner!”

I blearily opened my eyes. For a moment my bedroom seemed oversaturated: my pink covers too bright, the posters on my wall too colorful, the nighttime air outside of my always-open bedroom window too sweet. Then everything snapped into focus.

“Kay mom,” I said. “I’m up. Just let me brush my hair and I’ll be down for dinner.”

I did just that, and thought no more of Andalites or video games or strange voices yelling inside my head.

 

\--

At school the next morning, my first class was American Government. I wasn’t exactly a fan of Mr. Blakeman’s lectures –especially not at 7:30 AM – and even though I’d taken a nap the night before I was still pretty tired so I was zoning out as I walked into the room. A loud clattering woke me up.

Someone had topped over in their chair. I turned to look to see Marco – sprawled across the floor, staring at me and rubbing his head. “Ow,” he said. “Did I hit my head hard or what?”

“You all right?” I asked Marco when he had righted himself.

“Yeah,” he said. “Gotta work on that balance thing a bit, though.” He gave me a wink. “You know how I get whenever a pretty girl walks into the room.”

I rolled my eyes at Marco’s haphazard flirting and took my seat. “Right,” I said. “Well, if you can crack jokes, you’re probably fine.”

Marco laughed. And then he said, “It’s… great to see you, Rachel. For a second there I thought you were… gone.” I turned around to look at him. He sounded so relieved.

“Gone?” I asked. And then, trying to make a joke out of it, I said, “Gymnastics camp isn’t until next month. I think you did hit your head pretty hard.”

Marco nodded. “Yeah,” he said. “I suppose I did.”

I sat down in my seat, pulled out my homework from the night before, and handed it in as Mr Blakeman started class. And it wasn’t that the subject matter wasn’t interesting, it’s just the Mr Blakeman’s normal speaking voice is so monotone and it was 7:30 in the morning and concentrating was so very hard. It occurred to me that Governmen class would never get easier if I couldn’t stay awake, before I slipped into a daydream.

{… THIS IS … ESGARROUTH-ISTHIL CALLI-… … -E RACHEL. PRINCE JAKE… -EAR ME?} 

“Aaugh!” I put my hands to my head, suddenly awake. Once again, it felt like someone was shouting right in my ear. I nearly toppled over in my chair.

When I looked up, everyone in class was staring at me. I met Marco’s eyes, and he shot me a questioning look.

I blushed, looking at my curious classmates. “Sorry,” I said. “Migraine.” It wasn’t even a lie, really – my head was suddenly killing me. I looked up at Mr. Blakeman. At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to find someplace that I could be alone. “Can I… go to the nurse’s office and get some painkillers?”

Mr. Blakeman looked me up and down. I wasn’t positive he would let me leave – students were notorious for trying all sorts of ways to ditch his classes. But maybe he thought that slackers just wouldn’t scream their head off in the middle of class—or at least I hoped so. “Sure,” he said. “Go ahead.”

I gathered up my books in my backpack and left the classroom, ignoring the staring of Marco and the rest of the class. I just needed to get out of there.

I did not go to the nurse’s office—I went to the girl’s bathroom. Fluorescent lights shone down on sepia-colored stall doors and pale Formica countertops. Fortunately nobody was in there. I turned on the faucet and cupped my hands underneath it, waited until the water was cold and then splashed my face.

That helped with the headache, but not the feeling-like-I-was-crazy. I stared at myself in the mirror. I looked like a mess: water ran down my face in rivulets and my wet bangs were plastered against my forehead; my pupils nearly blacked out my blue eyes they were so wide which, I remembered vaguely from biology class, wasn’t exactly normal under bright fluorescents.

I looked terrified.

I was terrified.

I was hearing voices—or one singular voice which kept yelling at me—which, according to Melissa, was “full-out loopy territory”. I wasn’t one to argue: hearing voices wasn’t a good sign. I didn’t want to be crazy.

It might have been laughable if it weren’t happening to me. The singular voice in my head didn’t want me but my cousin Jake, the prince. (I imagined him dressed in full costume, with tights and floppy sleeves and a gold crown and even I had to admit it was pretty funny.)

“Okay Rachel,” I said to myself. “You’re just going nuts. No big deal.”

My voice echoed back to me. I was not officially talking to myself. Full-out loopy did not seem like a good enough descriptor

\--

I did stop by the nurse’s office, was promptly informed that for liability reasons she could not give me painkillers for my very real headache, and returned to class. When I walked in, a hush fell over the classroom.

Everyone was staring right at me, like I was an animal in a zoo - one who had just bitten off somebody’s head.

I looked straight into the eyes of my classmates, tilted my head up and thought and tried not to let them see how scared I had been—still was, honestly _._ Mr Blakeman cleared his throat and broke the silence. “Welcome back Rachel. Are you feeling any better?”

“Yes, sir,” I responded. Then I walked back to my desk, pretending to be oblivious to the stares. One thing about high school: if you do something weird, you’ve got to have a good poker face about it. Act like you don’t care if people think you’re weird. Showing shame is like cutting yourself in shark infested waters: it draws all of the predators to you.

I sat down. Marco leaned over in his desk towards me. “I’ll let you copy my notes,” he said.

“Thanks,” I whispered back.

“No prob,” he said. He gave me a long look. “Are you… all right?”

“Fine,” I said. “Just fine.”

He did not look very convinced, but I just flashed him what I hoped was a winning smile and tuned into Mr Blakeman’s lecture.

\--

School let out at its usual time. There was no gymnastics practice on Tuesdays so Melissa couldn’t give me a ride, and mom had to work late so I walked home. I was saying my goodbyes to Cassie—she had chores to do at her parent’s barn where she works to help rescue animals in need—when she peered up into the trees.

“Look,” she said. “There’s a hawk.”

I looked in the direction she was looking. “Oh yeah. Cool.”

“I think it’s a redtail,” Cassie said. “I wonder if it’s looking for a meal out here—I hope he didn’t get pushed out of his territory by all the development that’s been going on.”

I shrugged. Cassie is my best friend, but we’re as alike as night and day. I’m blonde, tall, fair-skinned and blue-eyed with a gymnast’s build. Cassie is black: with brown skin and eyes and a much shorter and rounder build. If we weren’t such good friends I might wonder how we ever got to hanging out, considering I spend all of my time at gymnastics or the mall and Cassie spends her spare hours in her parents barn learning about animals.

This is how she knows so much about them. She’s going to make a great veterinarian someday.

“How do you know what type of hawk it is?” I asked. To me it just looked like a big brown bird looking away from me. I squinted.

“See how big it is? It’s a lot more bulky than most other hawks its size, but not big enough to be an eagle. And he’s turned around, but his tail’s kind of a red brown color. Plus they’re the most common hawk in North America.”

“That’s amazing,” I said and meant it. I had a hard time memorizing the periodic table for chemistry class, but Cassie knew all sorts of things about animals. “How you can tell with a look what kind of bird he is.”

Cassie ducked her head. “Thanks,” she said, with a shy sort of Cassie smile. Sometimes, Cassie doesn’t know how to take compliments. “I don’t actually know that he’s a he. That’s just a guess.”

“Oh,” I said with a derisive laugh. “That part’s a guess. Fifty feet away and you can’t tell what sex the bird is. How will you ever be a vet now?”

Cassie laughed. “I’d better get going,” she said. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” I responded. “See you tomorrow.”

We split, both heading our separate ways. Cassie had to catch the bus home because she lived a ways out of town on a farm, but my house was much closer. As I walked, I kept watching the hawk. I know that animals are more Cassie’s thing, but something about that big, brown, fierce bird piqued my memory.

The hawk’s head turned a quarter of a degree, and I knew that it was looking at me. Not through me, not at a tasty mouse in my general direction, but _at_ me.

{Rachel,} the hawk said into my mind.

I stopped in my tracks, my breath coming short, my fingers trembling.

A talking hawk.

Full-out loopy.


	2. Tobias

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobias and Rachel have a talk.

The day was excellent for flying. 

The sun was out and that mean thermals galore. Though there was no wind on the ground, the clouds up above were scuttling across the sky at a fast clip which meant a fairly strong tailwind. In this kind of weather I could be out over the ocean or in the mountains within the space of an hour.

But I wasn’t.

My name is Tobias and I am hawk but I am also a man.

A silly boy who disobeyed the rules and got himself stuck as a red-tailed hawk forever and then lost everything. How’s that for your cautionary tale?

Everybody on earth knows my name. Or at least they did, from what I remember. I spent a lot of time in the wilderness where nobody could find me, grieving. I was determined to spend my entire life out there. We saved the world, we did our part, and I just wanted to be left alone.

But I was a soldier once, and like a good soldier, when my commander called I came back to the fight. 

The last I remember, we were in space, searching for Aximili Esgarrouth-Isthil, my _shorm_ which is an Andalite term for a person closer than a brother. We had instead found the Blade Ship with the last remnants of the Yeerk fleet and their new master, a being that called itself The One. 

It had spoken to us, using Ax’s face, and Jake had given the order to ram the Blade Ship which would probably kill us but also hopefully destroy the ship and The One along with it. 

And then I woke up here. 

If this was the afterlife it was a pretty crummy one. I was back in California, back in my old meadow where I used to live, and still a hawk. The first thing I tried to do was fly Ax’s scoop, but the hill that he had carved his home out of was completely untouched. Next I went to Cassie’s barn, to see if it was how I remember it. It was, and Cassie was there, tending to her animals.

But when I tried to talk to her, she didn’t answer. Didn’t even look up, and even with my hawk’s eyes I couldn’t see any sign that she had heard me and was just ignoring me. Just nothing.

I hung around her for a few hours, trying and failing to communicate, wondering if I had lost my thoughtspeak or maybe it was just because she hadn’t been on the ship with us, hadn’t died along with us. 

After giving up, I circled the city for a while. The force of habit took over and I began looking in on all of the Yeerk hotspots – the mall, the McDonalds, the community center where they held the Sharing meetings. The only places that I avoided were the suburbs. There were a couple of things I wasn’t sure I was ready to see. Nothing. No obviously Yeerk activity. 

I admonished myself for being paranoid, found myself a rabbit for dinner, and headed back to my meadow.

In the morning when I woke up, I was still in the same place. Ax’s scoop still wasn’t there. Cassie still couldn’t hear me as she went through her morning routine. 

I hung around my territory. Hunted and filled my belly. Caught a thermal and did a few aerial tricks to alleviate my boredom, which worked for a time. When I saw a golden eagle flying high above me I thought about picking a fight, before deciding against it. 

I didn’t have anything against this particular golden eagle, and I’d probably lose. 

It was weird. I’d spent so long alone as a hawk that the boredom hardly affected me anymore. I’d learned to wait patiently, throughout the long days and nights, surveying my territory, hunting and flying and nothing else, nothing but hawk things. 

I flew away from my meadow and towards the city, and hit all of the Yeerk hotspots again. Nothing. None of the known Controllers even stopping in for a quick chat. 

The sun was high in the sky and the day was great for flying, but I was miserable, bored, and irritated. 

I wheeled and turned over the suburbs, with very little purpose in mind. Maybe I wanted to find Cassie again, to see if she would finally hear me, or at least I think that was my plan. Maybe I just wanted an extra serving of pain. Or maybe I just wanted a change of scenery.

I got there not long before the highschool would be letting out, at least according to the clocks in the classroom, and found myself a nice perch in the tree. 

I heard Cassie before I saw her. She had seen me in my perch, and was talking about how she knew I was a red-tailed hawk, which was pretty impressive for her to spot. 

I turned my head slightly, so that I could see Cassie and whoever she was talking to.

The sight of her assaulted my senses so powerfully that I thought I would fall off the branch. It was everything I had hoped for—and everything I had feared. The one person I wanted to see most in this world, but was sure I would never see again.

Her blonde hair was long and held back with a headband and she was wearing jeans and a t-shirt but she still managed to turn them into the most beautiful garments ever worn. If you’ve ever heard the story about Helen of Troy who was so beautiful Paris the Prince of Troy kidnapped her and started a war, well—I understood what Paris was feeling about then. 

Rachel.

Rachel the warrior, Rachel the martyr, Rachel the hero of the Yeerk War—

Rachel, the teenage girl who I loved and lost. 

She parted ways with Cassie and started walking towards me, and I could not take my eyes off of her. I was drinking in every single detail, which when you’re a hawk is a lot of detail. Everything from the texture of her hair to the weft of her clothing to the tiny imperfections in her nails. 

She looked at me, and she kept looking at me. 

That was when I decided to do something crazy.

Who cared if she was probably just like Cassie, probably couldn’t hear me, probably wasn’t even the Rachel I had known? I just wanted to reach out and tell her—something. That I was sorry. That I missed her. That I loved her. 

{Rachel,} I said. 

And then, the most marvelous thing: she stopped walking, and looked straight at me.

“What?” she mouthed, clearly astonished. She stared for a while, then she shook her head and hiked her backpack further up on her shoulders. She started off down the street, looking only at the ground and muttering something to herself that I couldn’t hear from up in the trees. 

I leaped into the air, fighting the drag of gravity with my wings, drawn forward like I was south on a magnet and she was north. I wasn’t going to give up my chance to talk to Rachel again, not after all these years. 

{Rachel!} I called again. {Wait! It’s Tobias.}

She glanced up and saw me still flying, then quickened her pace. I couldn’t let her get away.

{Rachel, please, I just want to talk to you!}

She stopped and stared up at me, her brow furrowed like she was trying to figure something out. Her chest rose with the intake of breath, and then fell. She pursed her lips, smoothed her hands on her shirt.

“Alright, hawk,” she said, in a loud voice that carried. “You wanna talk, let’s talk. My house, ten minutes.” 

{Ten minutes,} I agreed. She hurried off down the street, taking the familiar way to her house. I hovered overhead, catching a thermal, unable to move. I was tethered to the earth by the presence of Rachel. She reached her front door and glanced up to see me still hovering in the sky, and then she disappeared inside. 

I circled around and around, my eyes on her room. The window was open like always, but it seemed a bit rude to just come in uninvited. It was as familiar as my own clearing, decked out in pink and covered in posters.

I tucked in my wings and dove straight through the window and landed on the bed. It’s a little awkward sitting on a bed when you’re a hawk—there’s not a lot of places for your talons to grip. It wasn’t anything I hadn’t done before though. 

The door opened and Rachel came in. She set her backpack down and looked around, then spotted me. She shrieked. 

“Rachel, honey, you okay?” Rachel’s mom called from downstairs. 

“Yeah, fine!” Rachel yelled back. “I just stubbed my toe!” 

{Sorry,} I said. 

“No, it’s okay,” she said, closing the door behind her. “I just—I wasn’t sure if you were real or if I was just crazy.” She laughed, a little wildly. “So, you’re a talking hawk.”

What did that mean? {I’m real,} I said. {My name’s Tobias. Don’t you remember me?}

She shook her head. “I’m pretty sure I’d remember a talking hawk. You kind of stand out.” 

It didn’t make any sense. I couldn’t talk to Cassie, but I could talk to a Rachel who didn’t remember me, although I could remember her more clearly than I could anything else. I was beginning to suspect that I wasn’t dead, that whatever was happening, that thing that called itself The One was messing with me. 

“You know my name, though,” Rachel said. “Do you know me, then?” 

{I did,} I said, and something terribly human that I hadn’t felt in years rammed into my chest. {We were friends, we fought together, and we—we were special to each other.}

Rachel stared. “Are you saying I dated a talking hawk?” 

I tilted my head to get a better look at her incredulous face. {Yes.}

“Oh-kay,” Rachel said. “I’m pretty sure I’d remember that. I’ve only dated one guy, and he wasn’t a bird.” 

I wondered how much I really wanted to torture myself. Then again, if Rachel was sent here to torment me, whoever was doing this could stand to be a lot nastier. {And who was that?} I asked. It was probably pretty stupid to be jealous of a hallucination’s ex, but I was. 

Rachel frowned. “I don’t… actually remember,” she said. “He was nice, I think. We broke up because—” Her expression twisted with confusion and pain. “What the heck—why can’t I remember? What’s going on, Tobias?”

{I don’t know,} I said. {I’m actually not even sure if you’re some kind of hallucination or not. The last thing I remember, I was on a spaceship and we were facing down this thing called The One. It snapped up one of my friends and used his face to talk to us. I saw you die, three years ago, fighting against the Yeerks. And now you’re here and you don’t remember anything.}

“Wait, I’m _dead_?” Rachel squeaked. I did my best approximation of a nod. She looked really scared, and then she breathed out like I remembered Rachel doing a thousand times when we were in a bad spot and conquered her fear. “Well. Tough break.” 

Even if she didn’t remember me, no illusion could be that perfect.

I waited for her to say something. I’d probably gone too far telling her that she was dead, but I wasn’t really good with gauging people nowadays. She stood up, paced the floor, then stopped dead center of her room and looked at me.

“Well, whether I’m dead or not—and I really don’t feel dead, by the way—something weird is going on,” she said. “I mean, there’s you, obviously. And I saw an Andalite yesterday and didn’t recognize it—“

Okay, that was weird. {An Andalite?}

“You don’t recognize them either?” Rachel asked. 

{Oh, no, I know what Andalites are. But if you don’t remember me how do you know what Andalites are?}

Rachel looked nonplussed. “Well… they’re Andalites. They’re blue aliens who look like deer and really like earth food because they don’t have mouths. They’ve always been here.”

{But they’re aliens,} I said. {You said so yourself. How could they have always been here?}

Rachel shook her head, looking pained. “I don’t know,” she said, frustrated. She put her hands to her head. “None of this makes any sense.” 

It was starting to make a little more sense to me. If this was all a hallucination created by The One, then maybe the Andalite ship was trapped just like we were. Maybe it couldn’t create more than one illusion, so it had just mashed us all together.

It didn’t explain why Rachel was here, but it was a start. 

“First the Andalites, then I start hearing voices, then a talking hawk shows up.” Rachel shook her head. “I should just check myself in to the loony bin right now.” 

{Wait,} I said. {You’re hearing voices?}

“Yeah,” Rachel said. “Well just one voice. Talking in my head, like you do—only really loud. It keeps giving me headaches whenever I hear it.” 

Suddenly, I had an idea. Probably a crazy idea, an idea that made absolutely no sense. But it was the only idea I had.

{Rachel,} I said. {What if next time you hear this voice, you try talking back?}


	3. Rachel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rachel tries morphing and gets a message from an old friend.

{Rachel, what if next time you hear this voice, you try talking back?}

I stared at the hawk that I had invited into my bedroom. It—no, he, the hawk had a name and his name was Tobias—stared back at me, his eyes bright yellow and fierce. Everything about this seemed absolutely nuts, but for some reason I trusted this hawk. He felt like a familiar echo to me, or something out of a dream. 

He said that, in his life, we had been special to each other. For a second I remembered it, more clearly than my memories of my mom, or of Cassie, or of anything else. I remembered waiting at my window for a red tailed hawk to fly in, and then flying out on wings of my own. And a flash of a fierce blond-haired boy, lonely and wild, with a hawk’s eyes.

“Okay,” I said, feeling a bit dizzy. “How do I talk back?”

{With your mind,} Tobias said. {With thoughtspeak. You just try thinking at whatever you want to talk to. It didn’t work for any of us when we were human, though. I don’t know if you can even morph anymore.}

“Wait, morph? And what do you mean, any of _us_?”

{Oh boy,} Tobias said. _Oh boy_ was right, I thought. He shifted from foot to foot. {Okay, well you know what andalites are, right?}

I nodded. The picture was in my memory, as clear as day and just as familiar. They had always been here, and they always would be. 

{Well, one of them crashed into earth. His name was Elfangor. We were there when he crashed, you and me and Cassie and Jake and Marco--}

“Marco, really?” Marco was a class clown and my cousin Jake’s best friend.

{Yeah, Marco. Anyway, Elfangor, he told us that the yeerks--} I had a brief impression of an alien slug that looked a bit like an overgrown booger, equally as familiar as the Andalites. {--were planning to invade the earth. His people, the andalites, had been fighting the yeerks for a long time. He was dying, but he could gave us a way to fight them. By morphing into animals.}

I raised my eyebrows, incredulous. “Animals.” 

{More effective than you’d think,} Tobias said. {But there was a catch. You could only stay as an animal for two hours, otherwise you’d be stuck and unable to turn back.}

He tilted his head to the side and ruffled his wings. 

“So that’s why you’re a hawk and not a boy,” I said. It sounded disturbingly familiar.

{Pretty much.}

“And you’re saying I have this power?” I asked. 

{You did,} Tobias said. {Before you… well, you know…}

That was the part that I hadn’t faced yet. According to Tobias, I was supposed to be dead. I got the impression from him that he felt guilty about it, so even though I was morbidly curious I didn’t want to press him on the details. 

“Right,” I said. “Well, why don’t we test it? See if I still have this morphing power?”

For a moment Tobias said nothing. He rustled his feathers, and then he looked at me. {Why not?}

“Okay,” I said, thinking that this was the craziest thing in the world, that I was about to try to turn into an animal on the word of a talking hawk. “Okay. How do I do it?”

{Not here,} Tobias said. {If you’re going to morph, we should go someplace more private. And with a lot more space.}

I laughed, feeling a little bit relieved that I didn’t have to transform right there on the spot. Of course, that only gave me more time to think about it and psych myself out. Still, I couldn’t help but feel kind of excited. 

“Good idea,” I said. “It’s too late tonight, but—tomorrow. We can go up to the mountains tomorrow.” 

I had a paper to do, but it didn’t seem to matter. This felt real. Big. Important.

I was _so_ going to flunk out of American Government. 

\--

Tobias showed me to a clearing in the woods a ways outside of town. According to him, an Andalite friend of ours had lived there for a while, though I couldn’t see any evidence of it. More importantly, it was quiet and out of the way with a lot of room for wild animals. 

A rustle of feathers, and Tobias swooped down into the clearing and landed on a nearby tree branch.

{Coast is clear. There’s nobody around for miles.}

I laughed. “Good. So nobody’s gonna see a crazy girl in the woods in a leotard.” 

Tobias had told me a bit about morphing. He said that we could morph skintight clothes like leotards and bathing suits, but that anything bulkier was impossible. I’d brought my gymnastics leotard along. Even if Tobias said that he’d been my boyfriend and I had no reason to doubt him, I didn’t really want to get naked in front of him. Not in the middle of the woods and while he was still a hawk. 

I peeled off my t-shirt and my jeans and folded them on top of my tennis shoes, then walked to the center of the clearing. I felt silly standing out here with only a hawk watching me, and no idea how to start this morphing thing. 

“Maybe you should show me how it’s done,” I said to Tobias. 

{Okay,} he said. He pushed off from the tree branch and landed beside me. {Watch me.}

For a few moments, nothing really happened. “I’m watching,” I teased. Tobias ignored me. Then I saw that he no longer had talons, but four-toed paws. His legs rapidly elongated and grew fur. He fell over, unbalanced , as his beak pushed out and became a large black nose and two triangular ears popped up from his head. Feathers smoothed out into fur, white teeth grew in his mouth. He was becoming a dog, I realized. His wings—comically small on the dog’s huge body—were the last to disappear. They shifted downward and became the dog’s front paws. 

A german shepherd stood right where Tobias had just been standing, tongue lolling out of its mouth. The dog barked at me, and moved closer to sniff at my fingers.

“Holy crap,” I said. “That was both the most disturbing and the coolest thing I’ve ever seen.” 

{I wasn’t sure if I could still do that,} Tobias said. His voice ‘sounded’ the same in my head, even if it had come from the dog. {I haven’t morphed in a long time.}

His voice sounded kind of sad and far away, like it had when he’d talked about me dying. I didn’t really know for sure, but I thought the two were kind of related. It made me sad, that Tobias had felt so badly about me dying. 

{Your turn,} Tobias said. {Think about the animal you want to turn into, really hard. How it looks, how it smells, everything.}

“What animal should I try?” I asked. 

{How about a grizzly bear,} Tobias said. {Or… maybe it would be best if you think about an animal you already know. What about Melissa Chapman’s cat?}

I remembered the cat he was talking about. She’d named it Fluffer McKitty, which was probably why it had turned out to be evil and vindictive to all humankind but Melissa. It had scratched me once for daring to try and pet it. 

“Why would I want to morph Melissa’s cat?” I asked, but Tobias wasn’t forthcoming with answers. I closed my eyes again and thought really hard about Melissa’s black and white tomcat. 

When Tobias did it, morphing had looked like it hurt, but it just felt strange. My face bulged out first, and my teeth grew long and sharp enough to cut my lip. I started to grow fur in patches of black and white. My hands and feet shrunk into paws, and then my arms and legs and then the rest of me. I sprouted a long tail. 

I felt—cool. Powerful. At ease in myself and my body. Whatever was out there, I could take it on. I looked up—something large loomed over me, watching me. Its long muzzle and large teeth said _danger!_ I crouched, my haunches curling like I was coiling up a spring, my tail twitching—if it wanted to fight, I’d give it a _fight_ —

And then I wasn’t in the clearing at all. I wasn’t the cat, I wasn’t even _human_. I tried to look around and saw the enormity of space, a thousand stars twinkling in a black velvet backdrop, and a great black ship that blotted out the stars, bigger than I was, much bigger…

{THIS IS WAR PRINCE AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHIL HAILING THE RACHEL URGENTLY. CAN YOU HEAR ME PRINCE JAKE?}

I was shocked back into the clearing, the cat again. The voice seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere all at once. The dog was barking at me, loudly, and my cat instincts took over. I swiped at Tobias, my claws unsheathed. He whined and backed up.

{Rachel?} he said, and I immediately felt bad for hurting him. He was bleeding a little bit where I’d smacked him. {You disappeared for a second there. I thought…}

{I’m fine,} I said, even though I didn’t feel fine, I felt scared and confused. I crouched on the ground, my cat instincts wary for danger. {The voice is back.}

{Try talking to it,} Tobias said, but it was drowned out by another call from the voice, saying {IS ANYONE THERE?}

{I’M HERE,} I screamed at the voice, everywhere and nowhere all at once. Tobias yelped in pain and started to morph back into a hawk, but I ignored him. {I’M RACHEL.}

{Rachel?} the voice said, and it was no longer screaming inside my head but sounded confused. {But that can’t be right, you’re--}

{Dead, yes, I know,} I snapped back. {Well I’m here now.}

{Listen, Rachel or whoever you are. I’m afraid I don’t have much time. We are inside of a creature called The One, which can trap anything in an illusion of its own making. It is very powerful, but not omnipotent. I am able to break free of its control for brief periods, when it believes I am asleep, but our ship is damaged and I cannot break us out. _Your_ ship is only a little damaged, however—if you can break free of its control and set your ship’s propulsion to full power, you may be able to break free of its field of influence. I have tethered our ship to yours so that we might break free together.}

I looked around the clearing. According to Aximili—Ax, I remembered, we called him Ax—everything that I was seeing was an illusion, but it felt entirely real. The sun was warm on my skin, and I could feel the breeze and the casual strength of the cat’s body, like I was made of steel cables and fur. 

{How do I get out of the illusion?} I asked. 

{The One’s attention wanders when it thinks we are asleep,} Ax said. {It is difficult to hold so many minds at one time. I have to go, or it might discover that I have been awake.}

I waited crouched in the grass with my tail twitching back and forth, listening for more instructions, but Ax was silent. Talking animals I could deal with, even this morphing stuff. I wasn’t sure that I could deal with my whole world being an illusion. 

{Rachel?} Tobias asked after a while, his thoughtspeak voice radiating concern. He was fully a bird again, and his feathers were all puffed up. 

The cat in me wanted to pick a fight with such a big bird, but I clamped down on that instinct. {I have a lot to tell you,} I said. 

I changed back into a girl, and Tobias returned to his tree. Once I was dressed again, I got out the lunch I had backed and sat down to tell Tobias everything that Ax had told me. He listened intently, only interrupting to say that Ax was our Andalite friend who had lived in this part of the woods. 

“It’s probably good that this is all fake,” I said. “Because if I flunk out because I’m skipping school, I can just tell my parents—hey, it’s all an illusion anyways.”

{If it’s any consolation, if Ax is right, we’ll be out of here before you even have to turn your paper in,} Tobias said. 

I laughed. “As far as excuses not to do homework go, that’s a pretty great one.” 

{I thought that maybe it was an illusion,} he said. He sounded thoughtful, maybe even a little sad. {I tried to talk to Cassie, but she couldn’t hear me. She wasn’t with us on the ship, so I’d guess she’s just part of the illusion.}

I frowned, confused. “Then how am I here? I wasn’t on the ship with you either, according to you I’m—dead.”

{I have no idea,} Tobias said. {I’m not even sure that _you’re_ not part of the illusion. It makes no sense to me.}

I felt real enough. As real as the grass or the sun or my ham-and-mustard sandwich. I looked down at the bread in my hands and suddenly I didn’t feel very hungry anymore. 

“Tobias,” I said. “What if we go to sleep and get out of here and I disappear?” 

{That’s what I’m afraid of,} Tobias said.


	4. Ax

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aximili tries to contact the Rachel.

My name is Aximili Esgarrouth-Isthil, and I was trapped. 

I am an andalite, and a War-Prince, and a hero to the known galaxy. Before that, I was an aristh fighting an impossible force with five humans, one a nothlit trapped as a bird. When we defeated the yeerks, the andalites and the humans called us heroes. 

I did not want to think what the andalites would call me now. 

I had gotten my crew trapped. Possibly I had gotten them all killed, by a powerful and unknown entity that called itself The One. I was tasked with finding the yeerk Blade Ship that had escaped after the war. When we found an abandoned wreck with traces of DNA from an earth animal, I led the away team to investigate. 

The abandoned ship—and the slumbering presence within—came to life all at once and engulfed us. It fired on our ship, but did not pursue, for it had its feast. 

It was very old and very dangerous and very, very malevolent. There are some animals on earth that will keep their prey alive, to prolong feeding. The One was just such a creature. It fed on the minds of the creatures it trapped as a psychic parasite, and to keep us docile it tricked us into thinking we were home on our own world. 

Me, it enjoyed toying with. I was the leader of these andalites, a species it had never met before and so of much fascination. All of the others thought of me with deference and respect. And, as it said, I had more varied life experience than any of the other crew members, memories that it could pick out and savor at will. 

I fought it. Andalites, who have the power of thoughtspeak, are more practiced mentally than humans, but it was like fighting a human as a fly. I might elude it for a time, but I would never win. Only once did it slip, and I got an impression of deep water and another creature that had fought before the One reasserted control. 

When the yeerks came and submitted to it, fighting became easier. The One was greedy, and its attention was often diverted by these new minds. I found brief moments of respite, when it believed me to be sleeping. 

The first time I awoke, it was in the corridors of a yeerk ship. There was no mistaking that malevolent low-light glare for anything else. The second time, I was inside a bug fighter along with the rest of the Intrepid’s boarding party. 

I was curious about that, but I did not dare ask The One. If I could wake up, even for short periods, I had an advantage. Fortunately, I was a lot less interesting to it now that it had its new yeerk playthings. 

Everything on the bug fighter but basic life support and communications were damaged beyond my skill to repair, and we were kept too far from the Blade Ship for me to risk attempting to get there. The damaged ship that we had originally boarded was long left behind. I began to despair of ever escaping. 

Then, when I thought all hope lost, Prince Jake arrived in a type of ship I had never seen before, and I had my plan. 

I only knew it was Prince Jake, of course, because The One taunted me with his failure. He showed me the crew: Jake, Marco, Tobias, and three humans whom I did not know. I sensed that it had not expected Prince Jake to ram the Blade Ship, and that the attack had damaged the yeerk ship somehow. Prince Jake’s ship—which he had called The Rachel, I noted with fierce pride—had sustained damage but not enough to keep it from flight and z-space travel. 

When it was not tormenting me, The One was more distracted than ever. I got the impression that between andalites and yeerks and humans and one hawk, it could not keep so many disparate minds fully under its control.

I made it my mission to repair the bug fighter’s magnetic tether, and then I attempted to contact the ship. If I was occasionally conscious, perhaps someone on board would be too. 

My first attempt garnered no response. My second also ended in failure. But, as they say on earth, the third time is the charm. 

{THIS IS WAR PRINCE AXIMILI-ESGARROUTH-ISTHIL HAILING THE RACHEL URGENTLY. CAN YOU HEAR ME PRINCE JAKE?}

I broadcast my thoughtspeak loudly to the ship, hoping that it might jar someone into consciousness. I waited for a few precious moments, but there was no response. My hearts beat in my breast as I waited, hoping.

{IS ANYONE THERE?} I called, desperate for any response. 

{I’M HERE, I’M RACHEL,} a voice answered back, a mind-voice that I had not heard in three years. Even though I am an andalite and thus have four hooves on which to balance, I almost fell down in shock. 

{Rachel?} I asked. {But that can’t be right, you’re--}

{Dead, yes, I know,} she cut me off. {Well I’m here now.}

Impossible. Nothing could bring the dead back to life. It occurred to me that this might be a trick by The One, that even now I was still in its clutches, that it was tormenting me by making me think that I could escape. Even if that was the case, I had to do what I could. I had to keep fighting.  


I explained the basics of my plan to Rachel, as quickly as I could. At first she was quiet, and I worried that I had lost her. Then she said {How do I get out of the illusion?} 

{The One’s attention wanders when it thinks we are asleep,} I explained. I hoped that this was true for her as well as for me. {It is difficult to hold so many minds at one time. I have to go, or it might discover that I have been awake.}

I cut off the connection and returned to the other sleeping andalites. I felt the full-body sleepiness overcoming me, the feeling meant that The One had turned its attention back to me. I closed my eyes, and fell to the floor of the bug fighter. 

So, The One said into my mind, this is what you have been up to while I’ve been away, andalite. 

I panicked, and fought the drift into unconsciousness. There was nothing that I could do against the pull of The One’s mind. It knew. It knew that I had been awake, and now it would not make the same mistake with me again. Rachel was now my only hope. I could not let it find out about her. 

I fought, harder than I ever had before.


	5. Rachel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rachel and Tobias get ready to put Ax's plan into motion.

{So, red pill or blue pill?}

“Huh?” I asked, wondering if Tobias had finally lost it.

{You never saw the Matrix, did you?} Tobias asked. 

“Not sure,” I said. “What’s that?”

{It’s a movie that came out near the end of the war. It was pretty good, I guess. Supposedly they made sequels, but I never saw them.} That weird wistfulness was back in Tobias’s thought-voice again. {The red pill means you wake up and leave the illusion. The blue pill means you stay asleep.}

It was a good question. On the one hand, in the real world I was dead and I wasn’t sure what state my dubious consciousness would leave in. I didn’t want to die. On the other hand, we were trapped inside the mind of a great big alien monster, and it couldn’t really come up with much better than suburbia. Tobias was trapped, and so were Jake and Marco and Ax. No contest.

“Red pill,” I said. “I mean, we don’t _know_ I’ll die. And we can just let this big weird alien thing keep sucking our brains and the brains of our friends.” 

{Somehow, I knew you’d say that,} Tobias said. 

I wondered how I would feel if my resurrected dead girlfriend wanted to go on a mission that might kill her yet again. I probably wouldn’t feel great about it. But I couldn’t keep pretending like everything was _okay_ either. 

“Tobias,” I said, suddenly nervous. 

{What is it?} he asked. 

“How did I… die?” I said the word quietly. I guess I was a little afraid that if I said it out loud, it’d come true. But I had to know. 

Tobias was silent for a long time. So long that I started to wonder if he was going to answer. {Jake sent you,} he said dully. {Tom had the Yeerk’s Blade Ship, and the Morphing Cube, and Jake knew that you could—get the job done.} 

I stared at Tobias. It was unbelievable—Jake, my _cousin_ Jake, sending me on a suicide mission to kill his brother Tom. I remembered Thanksgiving dinners with the two of them, and opening Hanukkah presents, and going on trips to the Gardens. But I also dimly remembered the sleek and dangerous Blade Ship and the blue glow of the Morphing Cube. And Tobias had no reason to lie to me.

“Thanks for telling me,” I said. I leaned over and kissed Tobias on the beak. He ruffled his feathers, shifted from foot to foot. 

I smiled, trying for some bravado. “Well, a pillow would be nice, but no time like the present. Let’s do this.” 

I could hear Tobias’ wry chuckle in my brain. {If only Marco were around to hear this.} 

“We could go get him,” I offered, smiling. “I think he might remember a bit.” I hadn’t thought much of our conversation in the classroom at the time, but he’d known I was dead for a second before this parasite we were stuck inside wiped his brain. 

Not even Marco deserved having his brain wiped. 

I lay down in the grass and closed my eyes and made myself comfortable. It was surprisingly easy to do. The day was warm and the wind smelled sweet and I was still a bit tired from the hike up here. I thought that maybe Tobias would talk more but he was silent – I wasn’t even sure if he was still around. 

I could see why I’d dated him. He was definitely weird, and intense, and half the time I didn’t understand him. But he’d also stuck with me through this crazy ordeal. And I was starting to get a sense of everything that he’d gone through. I probably wouldn’t be quite normal after all of that either. 

He’d found me after death. That was something. 

I began to drift off to sleep. 

I was just beginning to form the edges of a dream when Tobias screamed. {Rachel! Something’s wrong!} 

I opened my eyes and looked around. I couldn’t see Tobias. In fact, I couldn’t see the trees anymore. I still felt the grass on my skin, but it no longer looked real. And then I couldn’t feel the grass anymore, because I couldn’t feel anything at all. 

I couldn’t move. I tried to kick my way free of whatever was holding me, but I didn’t have legs or even a body. 

{What _are_ you?} an unfamiliar voice said. It was ancient and powerful and malevolent. If I’d had a body, I would have shivered with fear. This must be The One, and it had me directly in its sights. 

{I’m the girl who’s gonna kick your sorry butt unless you stop sucking my friends brains, you big flea,} I responded. 

The One laughed. {There’s no use. I can feel your fear, Rachel. I am many centuries beyond you and your friends in years. They don’t interest me—merely sources of psychic energy that I can feed on. But in all my time, I have never come across something quite like _you_.} It sounded like I was a particularly interesting butterfly that it was about to put a pin in. 

I struggled, not sure what I was trying to do, only trying to get away from this thing. I could feel _something_ —not a physical thing but something else—blocking me. I lashed out at it, felt it give a little. 

The One seemed amused again. I struggled harder.

{You aren’t nearly so practices as your friend Aximili, and in the end he lost to me. I have him wrapped up tight.} 

So it had Ax. It had me. Did it have Tobias? And even if it didn’t, what could he do? I was the only one who was awake enough to hear Ax, and now I was as trapped as he was. 

Did it know about Ax’s escape plan? If it did, it would probably keep us wrapped up tight so that we couldn’t get away. And it was right that I couldn’t fight it. I’d kill myself out long before I could escape its concentration. 

It was so awful. I was trapped, helpless, with no way to save my friends. The One would probably feast on their psychic energy until they died, and even then I couldn’t be sure that they would be free. After all, I was dead, wasn’t I? 

I knew what I had to do. 

I still couldn’t imagine Jake sending me after Tom, but I knew that if I could give my friends a fighting chance with my death, I’d do it in a second. Even if it killed me, I had to distract The One long enough for Tobias to have a chance. 

I aimed myself like at the center of my sense of the creature and fired. Little by little it gave way under my assault. I imagined myself boring my way through to its center. The One fought back. If I’d had a body, the pain would have been overwhelming. Instead I felt exhausted. 

_No!_ I had to save my friends, no matter what. That was most important. 

I kept going, aiming at The One. It countered me flawlessly, but I refused to give up. I felt like I’d just run two marathons back to back without stopping, but I kept attacking. It countered with more pain, again and again. 

{Stop this Rachel,} it said. {You’ll never win.}

{Yeah, well, haven’t you ever heard of try try again?} I snapped back. Despite my bravery, I could feel my will beginning to give out. I was drained and fading, and I didn’t even know if my attacks would even help Tobias. I could only hope that they would. 

It would be so much easier to just stop. To give up. To stay alive, stop this attack, and go back to the ease of the dream it had woven for me. It would be so easy. 

I thought about Tobias, trapped here forever in a waking nightmare. I couldn’t leave him like this. I gathered everything that I had left for one final attack. Aimed. Slammed straight into The One. 

It gave, the barest fraction. And something in me changed. 

I wasn’t exhausted anymore. I was full of fresh energy. I could feel my thoughts, impossibly big and powerful, ready to take on The One. It was old and fat from feasting and slow, but I was new and as quick as lightning and built for power. I could fight it on equal terms. 

And I remembered everything. 

If I’d had a mouth, I’m pretty sure it would have had a crazy grin. 

{You might be ancient and powerful and blah blah whatever, but I bet you’ve never tangled with Xena Warrior Princess.}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This genuinely took me so long to figure out what was going to happen in this chapter. Sorry!


	6. Tobias

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobias flies for help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, it's been a while, but this fic is definitely not abandoned.

Rachel disappeared.

One second she was laying down in the grass, eyes closed and blonde hair spread around her like strands of pure gold in the sunlight. The next, all the detail faded out of her, like she was a drawing and somebody had erased the edges. Even with hawk’s eyes, I could barely see her. 

{Rachel!} I called, thoughtspeak as loud as I could make it. {Something’s wrong!}

And then she was gone, with not even a broken blade of grass to indicate she had been there. 

I panicked. Went crazy. Just took off and started flying in circles wildly, with no thought to where I was going. Flying like that, I could have run into a tree and killed myself. I kind of hoped that I _would_ do just that. There was only one thought in my head: _Rachel’s dead again, and you put her there._

Rachel made the choice to fight back, knowing it could lead to her death, but that didn’t matter to me. I couldn’t deal with the fact that she had just been wiped out of existence like she was some kind of hallucination—like she wasn’t ever real in the first place. 

Of course, according to Rachel and Ax, nothing about this place was real. 

I needed to get out of here, before I really went crazy. 

I stopped my crazed flight, caught a thermal that took me high above the mountains. From up here when I looked at the ground I could see the seams to the illusion, the places where familiar geography blended with something completely alien. 

How had I never noticed it before, the spear-like Andalite trees lining what looked like Yeerk pools? Or the familiar mall right next to the Arc du Triomphe? It must be a feature of the One’s control over this reality, to keep its food source docile while it fed. 

As I moved into the city, I started looking closer at those seams. Here and there I could see places where the illusion collapsed, where my eyes started to slide away from what I was looking at. If I concentrated and looked harder, I saw only featureless white space. 

It made me dizzy to look at, and I had to do a couple of tricky maneuvers to keep from falling out of the sky. I wasn’t sure what smacking into asphalt at terminal velocity would do to me here, but I wasn’t very keen to find out. 

Fortunately I didn’t have much further to go. I could already see the familiar suburb, the beautifully tended lawns all bright green to spite the California heat, the cookie cutter houses all in the same boring shades of paint, the vermin that cowered unnoticed by anyone but me. 

Two familiar kids out in front, looking normal and unburdened, playing basketball out on a front driveway. 

Perfect. 

{Jake!} I called. {Marco!}


End file.
